Dear God
I pray that You guide me
Too many times the devil tries me
I got out of religion
And that’s where You found me
I showed You my sin
You showed me Your Son
I showed You my pride
You still stood by my side
Right now I’m caught in a tide
When it’s You there’s nothing I can hide
Daddy, are you noticing me?
Either You’re teaching me a lesson
Or You’re Holy Ghosting me
When You’re Silent in my life
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be
So if I’m useless to You
Then God dispose of me
I’m tired of being a boy
Call out the man in me
It is Your Son’s killing
That gave me a living
So LORD if You’re still willing
It’s my life I keep giving
P.S: Your Will Be Done
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I go to the ocean to see the stars at night
Ain’t it nice that they all look bright
To see He keeps them up there all intact
Even when I’m not feeling alright
I keep my walls high up straight
To keep pain from leaking right out
Because the devil on my shoulder
Keeps daring me day and night
To yank out my skeletons from the closet
And put them out in plain sight
Sometimes I feel I’m about to lose it all
Pick up my phone with no one to call
Pressure on my chest I slump on the wall
Too afraid to move, too embarrassed to crawl
My sanity is jacked & they laugh like that
I guess if it’s like that then it’s just like that
Nothing makes sense
When your mind is not right
Christians shoot all their wounded
Are you up for the fight?
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I take a long look in the mirror
And brokenness is what I see
Not the glass that shattered
But the hurt inside of me
On the inside I hate life
On the outside I love it
On the outside I pray for my enemies
On the inside I’m like Screw it
If someone’s holding me back
Then it’s most likely me
Or something on the inside of me
Am I the only one often afraid to sleep?
It’s like my bed is a coffin
And I’m all alone in my dreams
My confidence whispers softly
While my insecurities scream
Constantly weary ready to let go & just sink
Why are all these arrows coming at me?
It must be The Mark on me
If I smiled more often
Would you know that’s me?
I’m invisible to you so pardon me
Depression is invisible, it’s hard to see
What happens after death?
I’m dying to see
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This poem isn’t for you
This poem is for me
Do you want to go to church with me?
She was happy, pick any church I don’t care
They’ll all be great, they’ll all care
Made enough promises so I was there
I’m the guy seated four rows back
Being constantly yelled at by the pastor
Little does she even know
My whole life is one big disaster
I thought this would make it better
But the taste it leaves me with is bitter
Why doesn’t he say who I’m in God
All he does is say who I’m not
Because he says depression is a curse
That bipolar people are demon possessed
I didn’t come here to be pushed down & pressed
I came to get this hopelessness off of my chest
I thought that message was great today
I wish that pastor was my father she’d say
I keep wishing he wasn’t while I walk away
I shouldn’t be feeling like this
Still hurting from the past
I cannot heal like this
Some day I hope to be left alone
That all this will be worth it all
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Dear Jesus
It’s now been three years of following You
And I’m already running out of words to pray
The more I try to, the less I say
I cannot seem to get through to You
You won’t pick on my speed dials so to say
It’s like You’ve been ignoring my calls lately
But maybe I do deserve that consequently
Because I didn’t always pick up for You
We have the most on and off relationship
I feel like I’m speaking to a giant wall
Down on my knees when I rise or fall
I’m sinking, puking from pills, trying to leave
But I still get so dry when I heave
I guess it’s really hard talking to You
All I feel is shame when I come to You
Maybe Your Grace really did find me
Maybe just a little too late for me
I know You don’t expect me to be perfect
You’ve never ever asked that of me
So why are You half as active in me
As the devil has been all around me
But I get it, You are God and I’m not
You’ve got all the answers and I don’t
So I’m gonna keep on waiting on You
It’s all out of my hands, but in Yours, it’s not.
P.S: I Trust You
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I’ve got a huge secret for you
If you promise not to tell
I’m not okay and I don’t feel well
I’m so loud in my poetry
But live alone in my shell
Look at me, we’re nothing alike
And it’s not that hard to tell
I’ve got broken ribs from Christians
Who kicked me hard when I fell
Been so ever close to death
I got a whiff off its smell
It’s like I have been cursed by a witch
With a spell-binding spell
I’m struggling to stay afloat
If you can’t already tell
Wave after wave of depression
I get swept in the swells
Imprisoned in my paranoia
I’m locked in my own cell
What’s the point of living?
If life’s one living hell
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Hey Jesus
I hope You’re enjoying Heaven
Because I’m down here miserable
To be honest, I’m ready to die
I have no more tears left to cry
You say I must be strong but I’m not
I cannot save myself but I try
I don’t know which version I am
The called servant serving in church
Or the good guy chilling at the stoners’ lounge
Bible verses didn’t help as much as blunts did
Smoked two joints and the meteors hit
I didn’t know church people struggled
They only taught me that sinners did
Truth is we’re all sinners and sinners’ kids
I know it’s You who called him
To build that church for You
Somehow I felt You cursed this kid
Who had to grow up and experience hell
Where You ought to be meeting me
I’ve packed up to leave so many times
But how does one pack their own heart?
Looking for the finish line
Only to end up back at the start
I’m literally dying for You to show up
Will You come down and comfort me?
Please
-
Dear Jesus
How am I supposed to describe You
When I’m a spiritual infant myself
Lately it feels like You’re too busy
Hanging out in Heaven above outer space
So I take this pen and pages
And I write until I’m out of space
This is my art, my release to release
That day when we finally get to meet
I’m going to fall at Your feet
LORD You should know You’re all I need
Only You rushed swiftly to my rescue
While the devil was busy hurting me
Hushed the demons murdering murmuring
Who thought it was the death of me
You said that I’ll have Joy and Peace
But that’s hardly what it’s been
I’ve still got long silent battles
That I don’t want people to see
I tried but failed to make things right
Yet you kept on reminding me day & night
That You made me for a fight
Sometimes I get so busy hating on me
That I fail to see You still loving me
I read Your Word and find stories of great men
Talking of a King who saved their lives
And it’s why I’m here writing to You
Because I know You’re the very same One
Who still keeps on saving mine
P.S: Thank You
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You say you’ve never had depression
Oh my God, that must be amazing
Because I can’t find the root of mine
And believe me I’ve been tracing
I wake up and my mind starts pacing
I hate it inside when people trash me
I also feel insecure when they praise me
I’m always looking to heaven like
LORD please come down and save me
They judge me for every little thing I do
I heard this about you the other day
Is it true? Is it true? Is it true?
As if somehow I answer to you
Here is a suggestion from me to you
I’ll do me and you go do you
I write poetry because it helps with the blues
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Like an easel spread apart
With a canvas begging for art
So is the very thought of you
With your legs spread apart on my lair
I just want to kiss your full lips
I want to savour every last bit of you
To feel every inch of your warm, moist depth
I’m not at all ashamed to admit it
Maybe nervous what will happen once I’m in it
Your touch is poetry I love to write
Flooding out on my pages every night
The kind you read while in bed
Stretched out beneath the sheets
With your hand between your legs
It’s my pages that you will turn
And when you do lick your fingers to do that
All you’re gonna taste is my skin
So I keep writing these poems
Hoping someday you’ll read them
And I hope you will know then
That they’re all just for you
The Way 🇰🇪 